Pain, Empathy and Protests
3 things we should feel obligated to do
Like I said from the beginning of this pandemic, COVID was to impose significant suffering on humans throughout the world.
Wherever and whoever you look at, it is likely that COVID has caused them some amount of pain. There is the pain of death and the suffering of loss, the fear and anxiety of the elderly, the disruption of every day routines and norms, and the financial losses, just to name a few areas where people have been affected.
It is important to recognize, that this pandemic has not affected each of us equally. I always say how blessed I have been: as a 29 year old married man with no kids, I got to enjoy an extended honeymoon, with only moderate financial loss and frustration. There are others who have suffered far worse.
Those that lost loved ones most obviously, but also people from all different backgrounds and circumstances. We do not know what happens behind closed doors, and it is dangerous to think we can understand other people’s suffering. As Pirkei Avot says “ הַחוֹשֵׂךְ עַצְמוֹ מִן הַדִּין פּוֹרֵק מִמֶּנּוּ אֵיבָה וְגָזֵל וּשְׁבוּעַת שָׁוְא”
As you may be able to recognize from your own life, experiencing pain has a severe impact on humans. Just as getting hit by a bat leaves a physical bruise, emotional pain leaves behind some sort of trauma, or as Ekhart Tolle calls it, a pain body. This pain body is almost an addiction to negativity that seeks to spread negativity and pain.
Think of a time where you came home from work agitated and began to antagonize your wife or kids. More poignantly, think of the way that you were hurt as a child, impacts the entire creation of your character. As they say, misery loves company.
The protests, riots and media frenzy we are witnessing right now are the symptom of human suffering, inflicted by a variety of causes. Helplessness and anger whose source we can never fully pin down and whose intensity we cannot begin to understand as evidenced but the fact that taking to the street in an angry mob is unconscionable to many of us.
Like many of you, I’m not a politician, or an activist. I am disturbed by the lawlessness and by the zealotry that seems to demand certain responses from us. I don’t think we need to apologize for not being politicians nor do I think we need to feel guilty for crimes we never committed.
But I do think that calamity should be an impetus for action and introspection and that there are a number of things we should feel obligated to do:
Recognize that in our heart, you are genuinely opposed to human suffering. That it pains you to see others hurting and that if you had a magic want that could cure all of the pain, and make everyone whole, thriving, and happy, you would use it. You deeply want peace and prosperity for all humans and for this planet. The number of torah sources pointing to this response are too numerous to list: despite their sins. Abraham prays for Sedom, the people of Nineveh are given the chance to repent and Yonah is chastised for advocating exclusively for justice.
“וַאֲהַבְתֶּם אֶת הַגֵּר כִּי גֵרִים הֱיִיתֶם בְּאֶרֶץ מִצְרָיִם”
“וְרָעָה עֵינְךָ בְּאָחִיךָ הָאֶבְיוֹן וְלֹא תִתֵּן לוֹ וְקָרָא עָלֶיךָ אֶל יְהוָה וְהָיָה בְךָ חֵטְא”
וְגֵ֥ר לֹא־תוֹנֶ֖ה וְלֹ֣א תִלְחָצֶ֑נּוּ כִּֽי־גֵרִ֥ים הֱיִיתֶ֖ם בְּאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרָֽיִם׃ כָּל־אַלְמָנָ֥ה וְיָת֖וֹם לֹ֥א תְעַנּֽוּן׃ אִם־עַנֵּ֥ה תְעַנֶּ֖ה אֹת֑וֹ כִּ֣י אִם־צָעֹ֤ק יִצְעַק֙ אֵלַ֔י שָׁמֹ֥עַ אֶשְׁמַ֖ע צַעֲקָתֽוֹ׃
לֹא־תִשָּׂ֣א פְנֵי־דָ֔ל וְלֹ֥א תֶהְדַּ֖ר פְּנֵ֣י גָד֑וֹל בְּצֶ֖דֶק תִּשְׁפֹּ֥ט עֲמִיתֶֽךָ׃ לֹא־תֵלֵ֤ךְ רָכִיל֙ בְּעַמֶּ֔יךָ לֹ֥א תַעֲמֹ֖ד עַל־דַּ֣ם רֵעֶ֑ךָ אֲנִ֖י יְהוָֽה׃
Make sure you don’t get baited by this pain body into fighting an imaginary war with one and other. As they say, the worst way to combat terrorism is by engaging it on its terms. You can kill 1, but his death will inspire 6 more. Yelling, screaming, fighting and name calling is not the solution. Take a break from social media. It by its nature, amplifies the loudest and most radical voices. Instead opt for calm and nuanced conversation.
Examine our own actions: The Torah’s prescription for a Jew witnessing tragedy and calamity is for him to view it as the consequence of human action. Again, this doesn’t mean feeling guilty for no reason, but it does mean taking personal inventory, examining our priorities and reorienting towards complete service of boreh olam. Maybe there is room for us to do more tzedaka outside of our community, maybe more within, maybe we have let our morals and ethics slip when it comes to business or to our behavior with our family, maybe we can study more, appreciate more and pray more. How to we treat our employees and those who look up to us. Social media can give us the impression that we are responsible for the whole world but the reality is that the only way for us to affect change is to work on ourselves.
I was out the other night surfing as the sun set, a brilliant cloud of purple swirling around me. Suddenly, I began to weep. In that moment of awe I felt that if he created it all just so I could witness one sunset it would be enough. Hashem’s world is a beautiful place, and it is bleeding and crying.
Pray for our beautiful planet, for peace, happiness, healing and prosperity.
“רְפָאֵנוּ ה' וְנֵרָפֵא. הושִׁיעֵנוּ וְנִוָּשֵׁעָה כִּי תְהִלָּתֵנוּ אָתָּה”
