We Are All Mad
Men are so necessarily mad that not to be mad would amount to another form of madness.
-Pascal
This has been a haunting week for me and it feels like it is just the beginning of what will likely be a harrowing few weeks for us all. I have cried about 5 times in fact, three times about tragic deaths, but a few more times while watching Netflix: once during Good Will Hunting, and the second and more shockingly, during Entourage.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Growing up, I was no stranger to moments of existential dread. I remember lying in my bed as like a 6 year old and feeling moments of overwhelming fear. As I grew older I have had many nights of the soul. Struggling with understanding this crazy world and my purpose in it. What are we doing here, why does the world seem so random? Of course those were only in my worst moments; I’ve also had moments of euphoria, triumph, awe and love. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But in those darker moments, I always felt so alone. Like I was the only one suffering. Like there was something wrong with me.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This famous Pascal quote alleviated a lot of that for me. Pascal, a 17th century mathematician and intellectual powerhouse, expresses that I am not alone. That man is necessarily mad (or crazy), and that not to be, would itself be a sign of madness. This is a line of philosophical thought well accepted by Kierkegaard, Rank, Jung and many other modern intellectuals.⠀⠀⠀⠀
They argue that because it is impossible to be so aware of the tenuous hold we have on life, we all build coping mechanisms to help us forget how vulnerable we are. These mechanisms are their own form of delusion masking our latent madness.
We are at a moment now where our hold on sanity is being challenged, where we are being presented with human suffering on a scale we didn’t know was possible. I cried 5 times over the last week. Long hard sobs, over the passings of those I knew. Fathers, mothers, husbands and wives. But I now realize that my crying does not mean that I am weak. It is a sign of my honesty and my courage.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I want to end by letting you know that if you are suffering, you are not alone. There are many of us cognizant of our suffering, and many more too mad to recognize that we have been mad all along. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
